Archive for October 21st, 2008

Advanced Transcript of Biden’s Next Speech

Tuesday, October 21st, 2008

The following appeared in today’s NY Times:

“Mark my words, it will not be six months before the world tests Barack Obama like they did John Kennedy,” [Biden said.] “The world is looking. We’re about to elect a brilliant 47-year-old senator president of the United States of America. Remember I said it standing here, if you don’t remember anything else I said. Watch, we’re going to have an international crisis, a generated crisis, to test the mettle of this guy.’’

Mr. Biden added: “And the kind of help he’s going to need is, he’s going to need you — not financially to help him — we’re going to need you to use your influence, your influence within the community, to stand with him. Because it’s not going to be apparent initially, it’s not going to be apparent that we’re right.”


Ladies and Gentleman, I stand here before you today with a single purpose. I aim to speak to you directly, and from the heart. And that purpose is to tell you who is going to launch the next attack on the United States, and when they are going to launch it.

Now, I hear you saying: But, Joe! How do you know? How could you possibly know in advance when and where the next threat is going to come from?

Well, ladies and gentlemen, I don’t. Of course I don’t. Just think about it for a minute. Knowing something in advance? I mean, far be it from — heck, I don’t even know in advance if my Amtrak train is going to leave Union Station on time. How could I possibly know when the United States is going to be attacked? What time frame. At the same time, and let me be perfectly clear on this, that’s not going to stop me from telling you exactly what I think.

Six months. Within six month’s of Barack Obama’s election. Or, make that seven. No doubt about it. In fact, ladies and gentlemen, if I can put a finer point on it for you, if you’ll permit me. it’s going to happen August 4, 2009. Why August 4? Good question. And I’m here to tell you I have the answer: August 4 is Barack Obama’s birthday.

Ladies and gentleman, think about it. Just put your thinking caps on for a second. If you were going to attack America — you’re not, but let’s just say you were — wouldn’t you wait for a day when the brilliant, young, inexperienced, risky American president was focused on presents and birthday cake? Think about it — if you were Ahmadinejad, right? It makes perfect sense. Happy birthday, Mr. President!

Also, ladies and gentleman, hear me out on this. August 4th, 1936, was the day that Greek General loanis Metaxas, leader of the August 4th regime, suspended parliament and the constitution, declaring himself a dictator. John McCain knows this. John McCain was born 25 days later. Remember — don’t forget — John McCain’s first words: “We are all Grecians!”

But that’s not all, ladies and gentleman. On August 4, 70, the Romans destroyed the Second Temple in Jerusalem. On August 4, 1,721 years later, the Treaty of Sistova was signed, ending the Ottoman, Habsburg wars. It’s a good thing, too, or today — this very day — that thing John McCain likes to put his feet up on when he is relaxing on an Easy Chair in any one of his seven houses? That would be called a Habsburg. Think of that, for a minute.

Ladies and gentleman, August 4, 1984 was the day the African Republic of Upper Volta changed its name to Burkina Faso. It was the day the invasion of Kuwait became the Gulf War. It was the day, in 1997, when 185,000 Teamsters walked off the job for UPS. It’s the birthday of Raoul Wallenberg, Ohio Gov. Ted Strickland, and Norwegian ski jumper Bjorn Wirkola. Not to mention Billy Bob Thornton and Kurt Busch!

Just think of the symbolism, ladies and gentlemen. We know when they will attack. We don’t know how. Dirty bomb, maybe. Or anthrax. I’d put the odds at roughly fifty-fifty on anthrax. Or, hell, Trojan Horse. I obviously don’t know — but speculate, I’m happy to do.

Ladies and gentleman, Barack Obama’s going to have to make some really tough – I don’t know what the decision’s going to be, but I promise you it will occur. As a student of history and having served with seven presidents, I guarantee you it’s going to happen.

You and I know he won’t have the right response. He’s barely been in the Senate four years. He’s going to need your help. Aw, heck, I know you probably won’t be his secretary of defense. Unlikely you’ll be on the National Security Council, either, I’m guessing. But don’t let that stop you. Send Barack an email with your thoughts on how to handle it. Put the name of the crisis in the slug. If you’re on vacation, write him a postcard. Or, if you prefer, send him a text — he digs that stuff. did u c that comin? You get the idea.

And what about that Sarah Palin, by the way. Isn’t she just terrific?

Ladies and gentlemen, when I was a kid, my father had this expression. He used to say, “Joey, when John McCain gets knocked down, don’t just leave him there on the carpet, pick him up. Pick him up!” Remember, I said it standing here. August 4th. Probably early — before all those Washington types have had their coffee. Like 6 a.m., maybe. Or, does anyone — what kind of a day … is that a Wednesday? I don’t have my Blackberry handy. Tuesday? Yeah — 6, 6:15 a.m., thereabouts. If you don’t remember anything else I’ve said this campaign — and why the heck would you? — remember this.

Thank you, and God bless.